Opulence and squalor usually seem worlds apart. Country clubs usually don’t border low-income housing, designer clothing stores purposefully keep access to their goods limited to only a certain clientele (if you haven’t seen the movie Pretty Woman, watch it and you’ll get the reference), and the checking accounts that most people take for granted are a privilege offered only to people who have quality credit. Yet, I just experienced an exception to this rule.

            I just landed in Kunming, which is a town in southwestern China. My hosts Xinyue Zhou, Ding-guo Gua, and I flew here to attend the biennial Asian Association of Social Psychology conference. (We’re usually in a town called Guangzhou, which is located in south central China.)

            Kunming is simply gorgeous. I’m staying at a beautiful resort called the “Crystal Place.” It has a huge pool, waterfalls, and the biggest koi pond (and koi fish) I’ve ever seen. They call Kunming the “Spring City” because the weather is like spring all year. It’s about 26 degrees Celsius, which is about 78 degrees back home. That’s quite a difference from the 36 degree (97 degrees Fahrenheit!) days I had back in Guangzhou.

            Is Kunming gorgeous for everyone? I think not. Ding-guo and I needed to grab a bite to eat because the resort buffet closed early. We walked down the street to the nearest restaurant. Although we were only 50 feet from the resort’s 100 foot ceilings, marble floors, and picturesque statues, it looked like the entire block had been bombed. Entire storefronts were filled busted concrete walls, people dumped their garbage in the alley (much to the delight of a bunch of stray cats), and people were brokering what was possibly illegal activity openly.

            Once we made it to the restaurant safely, we had an absolute blast. It was a restaurant where you actually pick out your fish to eat. They had a big pond in the kitchen filled with enormous fish. They killed the fish in the back and then brought it out to us to cook in a stone bowl built into our table. It was easily the freshest fish I’ve ever had—and remember, I lived in Florida for four years during graduate school. Ding-guo and I had several laughs and chatted about America and China’s relationship (and how much we citizens from each country have in common with each other). We also chatted with the cook who took care of our fish. He was such a nice, smiley guy. After a long dinner, Ding-guo and I said farewell to our new friends from the restaurant and hurried home to our resort.

            It’s so easy to take what we have for granted. Usually this is because the rich and the downtrodden are segregated from each other. When the veil that separates people is cast away, it’s a much different world. It’s a world where people are just people, where a belly laugh is intoxicating no matter where you are, and where you can easily embrace the common thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that connect all people.  

On my way to class this morning, I saw one of my students gazing at the beautiful scenery surrounding the classroom building. His English name is Garden (he’s next to me in the attached photo). We talked for a bit and then Garden asked me a question I had never been asked, “Are all Americans happy?”

I didn’t know how to answer. I told Garden that his question intrigued me, and I asked him what led him to ask me whether all Americans are happy. He told me that I seemed quite happy, even happier than most people he sees every day. Because I’m the first American he’s ever met, he wondered if most Americans were like me. Garden said that he believes Chinese people don’t wear a smile on their faces that much, possibly because they have a lot to worry about.

There are cultural differences in happiness. People from France are happier than people from America, whereas Americans are happier than people from Finland. But what I think is more important is how similar people are in what makes them happy. Whether you live in China or America, having positive and lasting relationships – the sort of strong social connections that Wired seeks to cultivate – is a key to happiness.

I told this to Garden, who understood what I meant. I told him that I’m a naturally happy guy, which I probably get from my late mother. She was the sort of person who could light up a room with her positivity. Some people will always be happier than others, but having supportive relationships can rid people of the sadness, uncertainty, and unpleasantness that are inevitable parts of life. 

Off DeWall: Wired co-Director Goes to China (July 20, 2011)

Wired has the mission of connecting members of the UK family with each other and our local and global communities. This is my first blog entry to show you how I live this mission. I’m in the air right now, on my way to China. I’ll be there for a month doing a bunch of different things devoted to connecting members of the UK family to the global community.

First, I’ll be teaching a short course to Chinese students at Sun Yat-Sen University, which is located in a town called Guangzhou (pronounced GWAN-JOE). It’s in the Southern Part of China, making it something like the Miami of the People’s Republic of China (PRC). I’ll teach psychology students about social psychological research—how to do it, how to evaluate it, and how to get excited about it. I’ll focus on my areas of interest: interpersonal relationships, self-control, and aggression.

Second, I’ll give a speech to the School of Psychology on my research program on how people respond to social exclusion. I relish the opportunity to share the research we’ve conducted at the University of Kentucky with the Chinese faculty and students.

Third, I’ll have lots of meetings with my collaborator and host Xinyue Zhou, along with many other faculty and students. Xinyue and I have written a couple of papers together based on our mutual interest in social exclusion, the psychology of money, and aggression. When it comes to sharing knowledge and information, it’s truly a small world!  

Fourth, I’ll be staying in touch with all of you each day. Blogs are like sharks—if they don’t stay moving they die. I’ll snap pictures and keep you updated about my adventures. I can’t wait to share this experience with each of you.